Manifestos
things i tell myself
Alien Manifesto
You are not from this planet. You are just visiting. You notice the curvature of the earth, which from a distance appears like a blue marble you want to slip into your mouth. You see the trees reaching up to the sky, the placement of people having picnics on a hill, the rat caught in a trap, the trash cans and strawberries and sun and desert. You are trying to be a good guest, observant of the customs and temperaments of those around you. You know that you can never truly understand, nor change the fate of this place–not the whole blue marble of it–during your short stay. Nonetheless, you are kind to the locals. You clean up after yourself. You dress yourself in good walking shoes, so you can make the best use of your time. When you return to your home in the ether, you will watch the marble get smaller and say thank you for having me.
Suffering Manifesto
Love should only hurt as much as peeling an orange when you have a paper cut. A paper cut can really, really hurt, depending on where it is.
Bad Choice Manifesto
Most of the time, you know what you should do. Often, you’ll do what you are supposed to. Most situations have been repeated enough times with slight variations that a school of popular advice has emerged around them. Probably, you should not run away from your problems, put yourself in dangerous situations, buy things you can’t afford, etc. But sometimes there is an amount of self-knowledge that will show you certain missteps are inevitable, and you might as well do what you’re not meant to do and be sure it was the wrong choice rather than wondering about it. This manifesto is derived from the experience of my friend who embarked on a 48-hour long hallucinogenic experience with her distasteful ex-boyfriend. She explained this by introducing me to the notion of getting the bad choice out of your system. Or: if you are going to make a bad choice, make it your own kind of bad choice.
Expert Manifesto
Can you do it, whatever it is, while imagining that you’re already an expert? Can you do it, whatever it is, like you’ve been studying the art of it, whatever it is, for centuries, defying time and space and physics in your mastery? If you are sad, you are the Prime Minister of Sadness. If you are confused, you have theorized about confusion to an adoring crowd for years. You have tenure at the School of Confusion. No matter what you say, they can’t get rid of you.
Inner Child Manifesto
Speak lovingly to your Inner Child every day. Don’t mention these conversations to any Outer People.
Dream House Manifesto
Inside you there is a house. There is a woman in the house. The woman does not need you to be perfect. The woman just wants you to be young, as in younger than she is. The color of the walls will tell you something about where you are or where you’re going, but you won’t know which until later. My house is purple, if that’s helpful at all.
Terrible Things Manifesto
Terrible things can happen, it’s true. Terrible things happen all the time.
Bearing It Manifesto
When there are no more people on the Earth, the cities will turn back into wilderness. This wilderness will be mediated by the remains of what we came up with. In New York City, for example, the subway lines will fill with water. Eagles will build nests around the spires of high rises, before they eventually the slide into the earth. Nuclear reactors might burn brightly and fester for decades. The insects will return in droves. It will be very loud on Earth without us.
Honesty Manifesto
Be only as honest with yourself as you would allow your best friend’s mother to be honest with her without inspiring you to offer a conspiratorial eye-roll and say “that is so typical Joan or Susan (or whoever) to say that to you.”
The Right Thing Manifesto
Whether you should or should not do something has little to do with how it feels.
Answer The Phone Manifesto
You can always hang up.